L O V E
Everyone has a style.
As flawed as it can be, it's who they are, their character, their experiences, the people who have had and still have voices in their lives. I’ve got my style—how I act, what I say, what I don’t say, how I live, and how I love.
What are the greatest commandments from scripture?
It is pretty clear from Matthew 22:37-39 when it says, “....You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
You cannot love God if you don’t love people. And how you love people means everything. You might think to yourself, “Bro, relax, I got this down.” Well, what if you don’t? What if you are actually terrible at it? What if you thought love and kindness were giving people everything they wanted instead of what they needed? Or what if you thought yourself a modern-day prophet who was put on earth to proclaim truth to anyone and everyone who walked near you, but the only problem is they don’t stay near you? They want nothing to do with you. James MacDonald said that “…if you are wrong in the way you are right, you are wrong even if you are right.”
I am 30 years old. I get it. I am young and have a whole bunch of things to learn in life. But I am also told from God’s Word in I Timothy 4:12 that I shouldn’t let others “despise” my youth. I am a broken, sinful man just like anyone else, free to share, challenge, and form my own opinions of God and His Word.
So…
Allow me to share my opinions, ideas, and philosophies of what I think true love, God’s love looks like.
Chill
Abraham Lincoln once said, “He has a right to criticize who has a heart to help.” Think about it. It has taken people years and years of their life to become as screwed up as they are, and that includes you and me. Obviously, people need truth. They need God’s truth, but maybe it's not on the timeline or schedule that you would like. Maybe you would like them to change right now or as soon as you give them your awe-inspiring speech. Because once that happens, it’s bound to change their life. Am I right? I would say no.
Philippians 2:12-13 says, “So then, my dear friends, just as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence but even more in my absence, continue working out your salvation with awe and reverence, for the one bringing forth in you both the desire and the effort – for the sake of his good pleasure.”
Yes, God can use you, but remember, He also used a donkey and a whole bunch of other jacked-up people. You aren’t as special as you think and are more replaceable than you would like to know. Be patient and gracious with people. It’s a process of a lifetime. If you know them and have had a regular relationship with them for six months, and once you started, they were a four out of ten, but once you separate, they are a six out of ten, that is a victory. Praise God for that. They are getting better.
Maybe they could or do see a night and day change but remember that you can’t change anyone. That is the power of God and the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. Just be humble, patient, enduring, kind, honest and genuine. Pray for them daily and trust God for the results. It might happen fast, and it might happen slowly.
I am so thankful that God has been patient with me over the sins in my life and the sins of my future. To represent the character of God is to be “rich in love and slow to anger.”
Just Shut UP
Howard Hendricks once said, “Knowledge is proud because it knows so much. Wisdom is humble because it knows so little.” The key to unlocking someone’s heart is not always found in you talking your head off with “all that you have to share.” Most people don’t care about what most people have to say. If you find yourself rambling and trying to pull rabbits out of your hat, you're better off not speaking at all.
There was a young man I went to school with who stood out for maybe reasons not so pleasant. When it rained outside, he would run around and jump in all the mud puddles and screaming like a lunatic. He would also meow like a cat as people walked past him.
There were definitely some opportunities of growth for him to say the least. And I observed how some people would just simply “tell him off” and let him know his behavior was odd and unacceptable. Well, that did absolutely nothing. Because when the rain would fall my man would go right back to dancing in the rain.
I wanted to help him. Not because I have something special to offer but because I saw myself with a whole bunch of areas to grow as well. In reality, I was no better, but I genuinely wanted the best for him. We struck up a friendship. I would ask him questions in the cafeteria, taking an interest in his life. Learning about what he likes and doesn’t like. Gave him opportunities to share his opinions and feel valued and heard. If I didn’t agree, I didn’t need to share that; at least right at that moment, I figured we would take one step at a time.
One day, I was in my dorm room and you better believe it started to rain and rain hard. I looked out my window, and sure enough, the dancing had begun. I knew if I was going to reach this young man and help him, it was time to go and get wet. I ran down the stairs, out the door, and up to the sidewalk. There was a massive puddle right behind him, so I ran up screaming bloody murder and cannonballed that 3-inch puddle like it was my birthday. Soaking not only myself but my friend, who was looking at me like I was now the one who was nuts. Then I looked up at him and gave him a king of the jungle MEOWWWW. He laughed.
Several days later I asked him if I could take him to dinner. He loved Arby’s 4 for $5 melts, so we went and smashed roast beef sandwiches for days. I asked him questions about his life. His dreams. What he wanted and desired. I asked him if his current behavior and attitude was pointing him in the right direction toward change. He humbly said no. I asked if he was ready to stop. He said yes.
After dinner, we went to TJ Maxx and bought him a new outfit, putting something special and flashy together. The next day, I saw him, and he looked so sharp! He was wearing a new collared shirt tucked into a nice pair of dress pants. His hair was clean and washed, all combed over like a boss. He looked at me and, with his eyes and smile, wanted me to be proud of him, and you know what? I was!
People don’t care about how much you know until they know how much you care. If you want to love them, you have to go into their worlds. You have to ask and then shut up and listen to their hearts. Learn about them. Learn what gets them excited and overjoyed. Win their hearts and when you do that, they’ll follow you anywhere.
If that sounds familiar, it's because it is what Jesus Christ did for us. There was no way we could get to Him, so He came to us.
I don’t know if I’ll ever see my friend again, but I pray that he is doing ok and continuing to be the man that God wants him to be.
I John 4:19 says, “We love him, because he first loved us.”
Who Wants It
You might think this contradicts everything I just said, and that is why it is so important to walk with God and pray for wisdom and guidance. Love can be very tricky, and we must pray that we can do it well.
Matthew 7:6 says, “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.”
If life is not an ownership but a stewardship, then we are not just to be good stewards of money, homes, bodies, and belongings but also that of our TIME. Most people want a quick fix without the hard work that goes into it. They want the glory without suffering, which isn’t how it works. If you continually invest your time into people who are committed to being dead-weight and drug along by others, you aren’t being a good steward of your time; you are wasting it.
There is a story of Aristotle the philosopher who had a young man who wanted to be mentored by him. The young man would casually walk up to him every now and again and ask him to do so. Aristotle’s continued answer was “no.” The young man continued to ask, and the answer was continually no. Finally, one day near the beach shore, the young man asked again; this time, Aristotle grabbed his hand and walked with him out to the water. The boy was confused when, all of a sudden, Aristotle started to dunk his head underwater. The boy was gasping for air, being plunged again and again and again. Finally, when the boy was moments from blacking out, Aristotle pulled him up close, looked into his eyes, and said, “I will teach you when you’re ready to learn like you're ready to breathe.”
The philosopher was not interested in investing his time in someone who wasn’t hungry and passionate. I look for three “H’s” in people I want to invest my time in hungry, humble, and hardworking.
Here is a helpful rule to follow to be a good steward of time. Find your top 20 % and invest 80 % of your time into them. Out of ten people, find those two that have the 3 “H’s” and that are evident in their lives. Pour into them. Listen. Ask those hard questions. Read books together. Teach them to teach others. Teach them to invest in people who want to change things. Who want to get things done. Who have passion.
When I have an individual “on the fence” who has potential but bad tendencies, I usually say, “We can absolutely meet up and spend time together. But first, read Thoughts for Young Men by J.C. Ryle and write a paper sharing the top ten things you learned from it.”
If they want to meet and are hungry to grow, they’ll get after it because they are motivated. They have desire. And they will be a great investment of your time.
Hot Stuff
John Maxwell says that “...what you attract is not based upon what you want…it’s based upon who you are…” You might want quality people, but you won’t attract quality if you aren’t quality yourself. Are you a hard worker? Do you sweat while picking up chairs at church? Are you bold and honest? Are you kind to people regardless of how you feel?
You cannot expect to attract leaders and people who are motivated for all the right reasons if you don’t desire this yourself. It takes time and is hard, but you can tell a person's size by what it takes to stop them. What does it take to stop you?
Do you want a good idea of who you are? Take a look at the people around you.
If you are a young man who desires to get married and wants a girl who is driven, determined, faithful, and loves Jesus, then you’ll never get her if you aren’t those things yourself.
If you want to attract and develop leaders who go out into their worlds and be a light in the darkness, then you had better make sure you are that exact same thing yourself. As Kevin DeYoung says, “If the gospel is old news to you, it will be dull news to everyone else.” That is the same for the gospel and a lot of other areas of life.
Take time to look at who you are, your gifts, strengths, and abilities, and maximize them in an effort to push back darkness and make your life count “for the glory of God and the souls of men.”
It’s not going to be easy but if Jesus is your treasure and the kingdom is your home than its always going to be worth it. And we start by loving people like Jesus loved people.
These are principles I live by. I am not perfect in them and, at times, am stronger in some than others. But I am committed to this struggle and pray that we can struggle forward together.
