Dear Miss Future Mrs.
Dear Miss Future Mrs.
I know, right…The first person I am sure you want to receive relationship advice from is an average-looking, single 30-plus-year-old man who drives a tattered 2003 Honda Accord. Not exactly the picture of someone you would want to follow any advice from, let alone advice about someone you should marry someday.
One of my struggles with writing is I often get too caught up in thinking that I have no room to write what “good” people should look like and how they should act because I would be a hypocrite. You see, the problem is just that with my thinking. I am not “good,” and neither are you, to be honest. But…there is ONE who was and is! His name is Jesus, and I claim His perfection and sinless life as my own. Because I am blood-bought, I now have the power and capability to live a life of discipline for the glory of God by the grace of God.
I watch people. A lot, actually. If I didn’t, at first, make you feel weird for wanting to give you relationship advice, surely I have now. But it’s true. My life’s calling is to serve God through loving and helping people. And I truly enjoy watching, studying, and making observations about this future generation. So I can learn how to help and serve as best as I can. Some of my words might seem intense and even critical. And honestly, they are. But they are not spoken with anything but kindness and genuine love. True love will scream, yell, and plead with the blind man walking towards the edge of the cliff.
Each generation has its sinful nature. Not one of them is any better or more special in God’s eyes. Sure, some have their strengths but all and every have their sins. The answer? The answer is found in the BOOK. And I am not speaking of some self-help positive and “tell me all I want to hear” kind of book. I’m talking about the BIBLE. It’s the inspired Word of God. We must know it. Live it. And teach it!
So…with that as my premise…let us begin…I see a generation of young ladies who are being wooed and swept away by young men who are self-absorbed, ignorant, passive, and blind. These young men quit at the first sign of adversity. They depend and rely on others to do their work. They spend no time in their Bibles learning sound doctrine and care more about how they are falsely perceived on their Instagram accounts than learning what a man of God is and does. How do I know? Well…because I am describing myself. I have been and am guilty of being all these things at different points in my life and maybe more recently than I would like to admit. So, I am MOST definitely not saying, “You need a man like Jake.” No. Not in the slightest, because I know myself far better than you do.
What we need, is young ladies who hold men pursuing them to the standard set by God! And we learn that standard as we seek what the Bible has to say…If you want God to speak into your life, you open the pages of Scripture and obey what it says. So, allow me, Miss future Mrs., to share four traits of a godly man that will help you find a great husband, when that day comes.
1. A Man Who Works
I Timothy 5:8 says, “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Proverbs 13:4 says – “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.”
This is NOT a man who has a job scooping ice cream at the local Dairy Isle or folding clothes as a “model” at Hollister. (Guilty and embarrassed) This is a young man who is NOT afraid to get his hands dirty and tackles any and every challenge that comes his way. And when he tackles them, he works with great intensity. He consistently demonstrates a tremendous work ethic. He is a learner. He loves to be a part of any project in which he can develop new skills. What does he do with his money? He saves it. Living modestly within his means and preparing for whatever vision God has laid upon his heart. He does his work with quality and precision. In other words, he gives a rip about what he is doing.
Why is this important? This character trait, proven over an extended period of time, communicates a man who will provide for you: “Come hell and high water.” He stacks up his plate, loads up his truck, and takes on any challenge while NEVER making excuses. These men are dependable to get the job done and not rest until they do.
Ladies, stop being impressed with things that don’t matter. His shoes, his car (that he didn’t pay for), his clothes or his manipulated social media pictures. Be impressed with a man who works his plan and plans his work.
2. A Man with a Vision
Genesis 2:19 - “Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name.” (ESV)
Matthew 25:29 - “To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.” (NLT)
Speaking of plans, that leads us to our next trait. Ladies, you will appreciate a man who has a vision in life. He is well acquainted with the gifts God has given him and has planned out in advance how he will use those gifts to impact eternity! Yes…that is correct…I said eternity. Because if he is a follower of Jesus Christ and has submitted himself to God’s Word, he understands that the Great Commission is not an option but a mandate…a command. He takes that truth seriously and knows just how he will do that with the unique skills that God has graciously equipped him with.
If a young man never speaks of or shows interest in pursuing and developing a plan to impact people in the name of Jesus, I could NOT advise you with more urgency to leave him as quickly as possible. Many of you will not, which could also reveal the condition of your own heart. But that is a cup of coffee we can save for another time.
I understand plans do and can change. That is ok! The apostle Paul often had to change his plans or adapt based upon the circumstances but never lost sight of the fact that God was in control of his life. Nothing will be more refreshing to you than a young man who not only works hard but has a dependable plan of attack, trusting in the sovereignty of the Almighty.
3. A Man Who is Patient and Kind
Proverbs 19:22 - “What is desirable in a man is his kindness, and it is better to be a poor man than a liar.”
Proverbs 25:28 - “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”
For this particular trait, pay attention to how much a young male's circumstances dictate his attitude. Is he an overcomer? Or is he a victim? Because a man who can show kindness in the face of offense and patience in the midst of tension is a man who can control his spirit. I am not speaking from experience, but I have heard that marriage is a beautiful unity filled with romance, lots of kissing, and daily walks on the beach. And then…the honeymoon week is over, and real life begins. Bills, stress, selfishness, arguments, children, and more pressure than you have ever felt in your life.
When these things begin to happen, it’s as if all the sweet talk, all the nice little notes, all the special little gifts, and kisses in the car no longer mean anything whatsoever. Because now, love is a choice. And that choice can only be made over the long haul with a man who is filled with the Spirit of God because he meditates on the Word of God. He consistently shows kindness in the face of offense and patience in the midst of tension. This takes time.
The man you want is one who submits to leadership and seeks out accountability in his life. The way he treats people AT ALL TIMES gives you great confidence moving forward that he will treat you in the same way. Long after, the stress and pressures of life come knocking. He has proven himself to be true in these areas because he has passed the test of time. He is a lighthouse firmly established upon the roaring sees of life’s oceans. He is not a scarecrow who fakes his identity for a season. He is a man, filled with the Holy Spirit, treating you and others with patience and kindness all of his days.
4. A Man Who Is Passionate in His Convictions
I Timothy 4:7 - “…train yourself for godliness…”
I Timothy 4:16 - “Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.”
II Timothy 2:15 - “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth.”
Benjamin Disraeli once said, “Man is never so manly as when he feels deeply, acts boldly, and expresses himself with frankness and with fervor.” I fear that in today’s world, our men are becoming more and more passive. They not only fail to stand up for what they believe in, many do not even know what they believe in. If a young man cannot lead himself, how do you think he will ever lead you? I would go as far to say that if a young lady asked my opinion about a man she was interested in having a relationship with, but I had learned that the young man neither reads his Bible nor studies it, let alone any other book, I would tell her it would never be worth it.
We have far too many women who care more about what their man of interest binge-watches on Netflix than how well he knows the Word of God that he has been called to follow and obey all of his days. Assuming he is, indeed, a so-called follower of Christ.
But a man who is a student of the Word. Who digs into the Bible and DOES what it says. That man will be a gift to you all of your days. As Psalm 1:1-3 says, “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.”
Well…that is a lot to read and process…and I am also tired of writing now…I “press on” by God’s grace to become more like Jesus in what I say and in how I live…
I leave you, my sisters in Christ, with this thought. I once walked into a bookstore located in my hometown. The man who owns the store, a family friend, a follower of Jesus, kindly started asking me questions about my life, just to catch up and hear my story. As I shared, we got to the part about how I am still single, I mentioned to him that I just WILL NOT settle for a decision so important in regard to my life’s calling.
He paused, looked out into the peaceful meadow of his own thoughts, and replied, “I would rather go through life WANTING what I don’t have than HAVING what I don’t want.”
If a young man, however muscular, rich, attractive or charming he may be, does NOT love Jesus and pursue a God honoring life through the study and application of the Bible, then simply put, DUMP HIM. Because those things WILL go away more quickly than you can imagine. But what stands true throughout the test of time is a man who “delights in the law of the Lord…”
Thanks for your time…Godspeed
