Around the Horn
I was visiting with my mother and sisters the other day. We spent time laughing, eating, learning about each other’s lives, and doing one of my favorite things: sharing memories.
Our Grandma Millie came to mind as we shared. She went home to be with Jesus this last July at the ripe old age of 104. What a life, am I right? I remember stories she shared about “The Great Depression,” and having lived through it, she had real-life experience. We talked about all she had seen and done. This lead us to her personality, what she was like, her tendencies, and her behaviors.
Every morning for decades, Grandma Millie would walk “around the horn.” This was a three-mile walk up and down the hills of Pennsylvania on dirt roads. We admired her discipline and consistency for all of those years. Then, my mom shared something that triggered a thought. She shared that ALL were invited to go with Grandma on these walks, but there was an unwritten rule. If you did not show up at a particular tree near the road by the time she arrived, she would not wait for you, and you would be left behind! “There were a few times I walked alone because Grandma consistently held to her standard…” my mother quipped with a sarcastic smirk.
Why did this principle get my attention? Well, I think it’s summed up in the word “expectation.” There was an expectation that if not abided by, one would miss out. You knew that if you wanted the true pleasure of spending time with Grandma, gleaning from her life experience and wisdom, you needed to be on time. That was the expectation. As a result, promptness became the reoccurring theme of those dirt road walks.
What does that have to do with your life? Well, I think everything. We teach people how we want them to act daily based on what we tolerate and allow within the relationship. If a parent needs to be clearer on what is expected of their child, nine times out of ten, the child will push that envelope. Leaders who consistently allow team members to show up late cannot be surprised when they have a passive work culture. Every day, we are training people on how to act and how we would like to be treated simply by what we allow and tolerate from them. And you cannot hold others to a standard you haven’t clearly communicated or held them accountable to.
Real-life application? I’d say, more than anything, look in the mirror and adjust what you’d like to see happen differently. If your child is staying out late, tell them you want them home by 10:00 pm, no exceptions. When they show up at 10:05 pm, take away their phone for a week. This will help teach them your expectations and develop discipline that will make them positive contributors to society one day, if not already. If your “friend” continually says things about you to others that are hurtful to you, initiate a conversation and lovingly ask them if they said it and why. By doing this, I can promise you that they will, at the very least, think twice before doing it again. Leaders, if you want changes in an individual’s patterns, talk to them directly or simply accept that things will remain the same because they can’t read your mind.
When you have standards you live by in behavior and relationships and patiently, lovingly, and hold others to them, you’ll notice things start to change. Kids show up on time, people stop saying hurtful things, and employees will know precisely what needs to be adjusted. This happens because expectations have been effectively communicated. We are teaching others how to act based on what we tolerate from them.
I never got to go on those walks with Grandma Millie, but I’ll always have the wisdom she shared and, most importantly, the way she lived her life.
